Anoint me

I recently got a book of Morning Devotions by Susannah Spurgeon: free grace and dying love. This morning, I was reading one of the entries about Psalm 92:10 - "I shall be anointed with fresh oil" and I found myself praying her prayer from her reflections as I read along. So, I thought I'd share

     Dear Lord, your Word declares, 'The anointing which ye have received of him, abideth in you.' Fulfil this promise to me, I beg you,that I may no more dishonour  you by languid or half-hearted worship or work.

     Anoint me for service, Lord, that, in all I do for you, either directly or indirectly, there may be manifested the power of the Holy Spirit, and the wholehearted earnestness which only he can supply!

     Anoint me for sacrifice, so that contrary to my sinful nature, self may be overcome, and bound, and crucified, that Christ alone may reign in my mortal body!

     Anoint me for suffering, if so it be your will, that I may praise you as I pass through the waters and the fires of affliction! 

     Anoint me for intercession, O my Father, that for others, as well as myself, I may plead with you, and may prevail! This morning, Lord, pour your holy 'oil of joy' upon my head, and let the precious, fragrant unction of your grace drop down from hour to hour on the day's garments, till the skirts of night shall enfold both body and soul in the sweet spices of the sleep which you give to your beloved!

Dreams Do Come True

The first time Tony and I talked was because he had mentioned John Wesley, and knowing him to be a Calvinist, I said something about how I was surprised to hear a Calvinist speak in such a good way about Wesley ....that obviously led to more and more conversations and the wonderful relationship we're blessed with. It also led us to frequently joke about how John Wesley brought us together.

It just so happens that our favorite city is Savannah. It also just so happens that there is a John Wesley statue in Savannah. So, back when Tony and I started talking about visiting for a weekend, I demanded we see the statue - it would only be appropriate right? ^_^

So finally, it was the Saturday we got to spend together in Savannah. We ate at local places, got to walk around all the little shops and admire all the things I'd buy my family if I were rich. (There was a really really wonderful necklace I knew my mom would love but it was $150 - sorry mom!) We took in so much of the history of the city (if you haven't been, you should go - so amazing!) Then finally, Tony said, "All right, you want to go see the John Wesley statue?" I think I actually skipped. I admit, I was daydreaming about something that could possibly happen at this statue...

We got there and did the whole tourist thing, taking pictures like the nerds we are. A man with a saxophone came in the square and started playing - Tony admits that was not planned, so I say there's nothing to call it but a God wink! Then it happened, Tony took my hands and started getting gushy (I won't share all he said. don't worry). Which, isn't abnormal for him, but I was still thinking to myself "huh, Could you be doing what I think you're doing?"

Ohh yes, he could be. He got on one knee and pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. And of course, I said yes!! Well, actually, I couldn't speak for a moment, so I nodded, but he got the answer clearly.   There were a few people on the square who started cheering for us and one guy made us re-enact the moment so he could take a picture for us. Very kind. The saxophone player started playing here comes the bride. Great moment! When I finally could manage to say something, I asked Tony, "You really wanna marry me?"...It was just one of those moments felt so surreal - I had to ask to make sure it was actually happening. And maybe a little because he may be just a tad crazy for wanting to marry me - I hope he knows what he's getting himself into!

The day couldn't get any better. It probably seems a nerdy proposal to some people. I personally like to call it perfect. Dreams do come true.

Literally....

Several months ago, I had a dream he proposed in front of the John Wesley statue. Wild huh? Every so often the rest of the evening Tony would say, "I can't believe you dreamed about it!" or something about how God should warn with a "spoiler alert"!




"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream...."

Sunday Searchings - July 15

Pressing On
     - Study chapters 2 and 3 of John
     - Wake at 5:00 to being studies (this goal didn't get met last week. And it's probably more important this week since I won't have as much time in the evenings to study)
     - Finish The Forgotten Trinity (also a carry over from last week - I got sidetracked researching further on something I read in there, which isn't bad, but still the book is unfinished)

Train Them Up
     - Pray for Jack and Flynn each day
     - Pray for VBS group each day
     - VBS!!! So fun
     - Take Jack and Flynn to Creative Discovery

Good, Not Harm
     - Pray for Tony each day
     - 4th study in Proverbs 31 series
     - Weekend in Savannah with Tony!

Keeper At Home
     - Keep up with some cleaning since there won't be a good time to do actual cleaning this week (good thing it got done this past week :P )
     - Make a list of things needed to make "green cleaning" supplies. Get them if I can find time.

Love At All Times
     - Call Richard on Monday for his birthday
     - Pray for family and friends each day
     - Call at least one sibling and catch up/check in

I think some of these in any category are going to be goals that will be goals every week.  I'm finding actually including them is helping me stick to them, rather than just having them in the back of my head as things I always need to do...Because ohhh how often things get stuck in the back of my head and never done. :(

Sunday Searchings - July 8

I saw on a blog a long while ago, this woman who every week would set specific goals in different areas of her life. I always thought it was a brilliant idea. I'm very much the kind of person to stick to things more if I've written down specifics about them. So, I thought I'd start my own version of that.

I'm going to call it Sunday Searchings, and I've come up with a few different areas:
Pressing On  - which will include my goals about Bible study, memorization, practical changes to help my walk, edification, etc.
Train them up - which will include my goals for the boys I nanny and also research in general for future reference should I ever have the blessing of being a mother myself.
Good, not harm - This will include goals concerning my relationship with Tony, and even more than that goals concerning becoming the woman of God I should be.
Keeper at home - Even though I'm not married, I do still have an apartment and a roommate, and I reckon it's important to hone the house keeping sort of skills/gifts even now. This area will be concerning that.
Love at all times - Which will include goals concerning my friendships and my relationships with my family members.

Pressing On
     - Finish (at least) the first chapter of John in my in-depth study of the Gospel
     - Memorize John 1:9-13
     - Actually wake at 5:00 each day...No snooze button, Mary, come on.
     - Finish reading The Forgotten Trinity.

Train Them Up
     - Pray for Jack and Flynn each day
     - Look up at least one new activity and try with the boys
     - Research biblical use of spanking

Good, Not Harm
     - Pray for Tony each day
     - Reflect on first section of Proverbs 31 study and do the next section.
     - Encourage Tony in a new way somehow.

Keeper At Home
     - Try out making some sort of squash side dish
     - Clean apartment
     - Check the vacuum and pray it's not actually broken :P
     - Shop - for groceries and needed cleaning supplies, etc

Love At All Time
     - Pray for each family member each day
     - Call at least one sibling/parent to check in
     - Send mom back her card
     - Think of one unexpected thing I could do for Amber and do it. 

You Wouldn't Cry

I think perhaps today was more difficult, in many ways, than the day of the funeral. It was my first day back to work and the real world. Today was the first day since the day Lissi Dear died that I've had to force myself to realize that time and the world have not stopped. I am not in Ohio anymore. And while I love living here in Georgia, it was helpful to be in Ohio with all my family. This is the first day I've not had any family members around to laugh with and reminisce about Melissa with. The day of the funeral, I was determined to keep my composure until after I did the reading, and I did. As I found out today, it is far more difficult to keep my composure for 9 hours at work. It's also far more difficult to break down without a plethora of people who love me, to hug me when I do. Especially Tony - it's incredibly difficult to cry and not have him there to hug me and whisper to me that it's okay, and to remind me over and over that God has got my dear sister in His loving hands.

The whole morning I kept expecting my phone to go off, with a text saying "Good morning beautiful. Have a good day! Love you!" from Lissi. My phone didn't ring with that text today. It never will again. It's realities like this that seem to be the most difficult so far. Each one I make is a little like hearing the news of her passing all over again.

Today, when my boss got home, I said goodbye to the kiddos and got in my car. That was the moment my composure broke. And my first thought was that there was no one there to hug me....It seems like it's the silliest of times when I forget that the One who is the greatest Comforter. So I poured out my heart to God, and of course that helped...but I was still crying.

Without really thinking about it, I had put in Mandisa's cd Freedom that morning, so it was still on during my drive home. It finally came to the last song, and while it induced some tears, it also calmed them. It fit what my heart was crying perfectly. And it was the perfect reminder of the beautiful reality that Melissa had rested in Him. I remember, shortly after Melissa's surgery, we had a long conversation. We had talked about salvation and we talked through the Gospel. The conversation ended with us praying together. After my flight home last Thursday morning, God had perfectly planned a conversation with my aunt which allowed me to know that she did indeed cling to Him for her salvation. So I needn't cry for her today. Instead, I will keep singing Hallelujah.

There is a man..

There is a man who is honorable. A man who guards his mind and the mind of others. Who will stop a conversation and redirect it when it gets anywhere near a topic in which sons and daughters of God should not be engaging.

There is man who is humorous. A man who isn't afraid to be a tad goofy and who always can induce chuckles. Whose humor spans from geeky jokes about Star Wars to clever jokes about theology.

There is a man who is chivalrous. A man who still opens doors, pulls out chairs, removes his hat inside,  and delights in treating a lady to dinner. A man who does this genuinely and not just because he knows he should.

There is a man who is gentle. A man who can simultaneously cheer up and comfort a lady, with kind words, practical advice, and sincere empathy. A man who can do nothing more than simply hold a lady's hand and somehow offer so much peace.

There is a man who is protector. A man who will draw his verbal sword to defend a lady when someone has hurt her. Who I reckon would draw his actual sword if it came to it, and if he had a sword. ;)
There is a man who is thoughtful. A man who will buy a stuffed lamb for a lady so she can hug it when she's missing him.

There is a man who is humble. A man who will probably feel a bit uncomfortable reading this, and not because it's mushy. A man who knows who he is, but also Whose he is.

There is a man who is godly. A man who will toss aside his own opinions, beliefs, and ways  the minute he learns what God says. A man who is more than willing and more than happy to sit and talk about Scripture for hours on end. A man who is as studious as Jonathan Edwards, that he might have a ready defense for his faith. A man of prayer and of truth. A man who will share the gospel through words and his life.  A man who will point a lady's focus back to where it should be with a question like, "Are you trying to impress Christ or me?" A man who will leave you thinking more about Christ than himself.

There is a man whom I am blessed to know, whom I thank God for daily, and whom I love very much.

Happy Birthday, wonderful man! Te adoro!

On my mind...

On My Mind - how much we acknowledge truths, but let it stop there. We remember and even esteem truths (and those who do let the truth affect their lives). But why do we so often (indeed, more often than not) back away from living truth out in our lives? Especially since part of the truth is that we are meant to live the truths....

.."we think grand thoughts and live horrible lives"..

we read His Word and think that because we've read it and perhaps acknowledged it in our minds, that we've got it. Then when push comes to shove, we want to put blame on God because things aren't as they should be. But really, it's us. Seeking and loving Him with all our hearts, soul, mind, strength does not stop with simple acknowledgement.

And why is it that so often, when we do let our acknowledgement go farther than our heads, we have a limit to it? Like there's some point where we can stop yielding to Him...there's some line where everything becomes too extreme to change anything for God.

Like His goal isn't to make us holy like Him...like the perfection and completion He wants to bring us to according to His Word is actually our happiness and comfort...



Oh Lord, get rid of this limit in me wherever there is one...I passionately hate this limit, line, whatever would be best to describe it. I hate it, loathe it, despise it...in everyone....especially in myself. Please, rip it out of me if You need to. I don't care how much it takes or how much it hurts. Get. Rid. Of. It.

My thoughts on To Save a Life

I recently watched this movie..and actually, I enjoyed it. Having known more than one person who committed suicide, the message it sent resonated with me.

I so appreciated that they didn't just stop with the "it's not your fault" speech most suicide survivors get from some well meaning person. I really appreciated and liked that it addressed that our words and actions can and do have a large impact on others' lives.

I enjoyed how powerful it was as a movie. It was dramatic. It was thought provoking. It was inspiring.

However, as probably many who know me would say, I can be very critical of movies. Especially movies that come with a Christian label. As much I enjoyed this movie and would recommend it, it doesn't escape my critical thoughts either.

This movie shows the main character (Jake) going through radical transformation after the suicide of his friend. At the beginning of the movie he cares mostly about sports, his reputation, and partying. He goes from being a guy who dreams of playing basketball to a guy who is willing to give up that dream for another one. He goes from being a popular guy to not caring if he's liked by everyone. He goes from being a guy who thinks of himself over his friends to one who puts his friends before himself. It's a radical transformation....but my fear is that those who watch it will walk away thinking how great the main character is. My fear is that people walk away from the movie saying, "we should be more like Jake".

This is my main complaint about this movie. It has a Christian label. It involves church and a youth pastor. It has a baptism. It has some prayer. It even shows a transformation of a life...But not once does this movie give credit to the true reason for that transformation. Watching the movie, I got the sense that out of guilt, Jake wanted to change how he interacted with people. He felt the guilt so strongly that it led to him feeling the need to redeem himself. I know because I've even there. I've tried that, and even in a fictional character in a movie, I recognized it.

Not once does Jake get told that he has a Redeemer and he is not Him. Not once does anyone tell him that he is a sinner and can do no good on his own. Not once does someone tell him that Christ died for his sins. Not once is he told that Jesus Christ is the One that forgives us, makes us new, and gives the grace that enables us to change and do His good work.

I've walked through the heartbreak of a loved one killing themselves. And like Jake, it was this experience that eventually led me to transformation. But not because I was disgusted and guilty about the way things were (which I was) and I changed them. But because He drew me to Him, He showed me the truth and power of His Gospel...because He transformed me.


It so saddens me that even a Christian movie eliminates that. It's not just this movie, but so much of the Christian entertainment industry, really. Books, movies, music, talks, etc. It seems that we try so hard to woo people to Christianity through sugar coated, feel good, therapeutic, politically correct entertainment. People don't need that kind of wooing. Truthfully, they don't need our wooing at all. They need the Gospel. They need Him.

Komen and Planned Parenthood

Pardon me, I'm feeling ranty...

So, I saw the article on The Komen Foundation cutting ties with Planned Parenthood, and since then, I've seen everyone's opinions on it as well. I'll admit, I'm not one-hundred percent behind the Komen Foundation. I support what they are trying to do, but I think it's become more of a market than anything, and to be honest, that part makes me ill. But I thanked God when I saw that they cut ties with Planned Parenthood...

And I honestly couldn't help but chuckle when I read comments complaining that the fund for cancer screening was taken away. Perhaps they'd have funds for cancer screening if they redistributed the money they use for abortion costs.

And then I saw on facebook a group called "De-Fund the Komen Foundation" and I was appalled. Their info section includes this : "How is it possible that an organization claiming to support saving women's lives also turns its back on an organization that is PROVEN to save women's lives?"

...Proven to save women's lives maybe....but how many others are they proven to TAKE?

Most of their funding might not be for abortion costs, but 1 out of every 10 clients receive an abortion...

and that's too many




It still amazes me that the same people (from a lot of what I see) who support equal rights for all in every area of life are the same ones to support taking the lives of so many precious little ones.

Edited to add - I would make another post ranting about the Komen Foundation's reverse decision, but I'll just say that it sickens me...

If You're willing

Lately I've become so saddened by the lack of faith I see. It seems it's increasing, or perhaps I just am becoming more aware of it, no matter how subtle it may seem. I hear people request prayer, express their desire for whatever it is, and then attach a "God's will be done" to it. Which, at first seems perfectly reasonable and so "spiritual". What bothers me about this is that more often than not, the spirit with which it's said is not one of surrender, but one of doubt.

I know because I've been guilty of this same doubt in my own life far too often. I have prayed about situations and added my own, "If it's Your will" to the prayer. More often than not, when I've added that, it had simply been a security blanket.

I was reading in Matthew this morning, and read this...

Matthew 8:1-3
¹ When he came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. ² And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.” ³ And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I will; be clean.” And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

Something about this struck me as sincere and true. This man was fully aware that Jesus COULD do it. He had the faith and confidence, he simply had the surrender as well. That's where our "if it's Your will" should come from...but it doesn't. We add it too often so that later, when He doesn't answer our prayer the way we want Him to, we can fall back on the fact we have included that, lest we become disillusioned with God.

I've heard so many people say that it's just because they've been disappointed by God so many times; they can't help but pray this way. (Which, at the risk of sounding judgmental, makes me wonder just how surrendered we are if this is the case...)

Oh that we as His children wouldn't approach prayer with the attitude of being afraid of being disappointed. For what's fear but lack of knowing who our God is?

Oh that we wouldn't pray expecting to be disappointed! As James says, "But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord" (1:6-7).

And oh, that we wouldn't blame God for such disappointment, but instead ourselves!

Holiness

This morning, I cannot stop thinking, and inwardly weep, about the lack of reverence for our God. What tragedy that the church of Jesus Christ hardly recognizes this character of our God. Why..how... have we lost sight of the God who is Holy, Holy, Holy?

I remember hearing Eric read this bit from Jewish Literacy in the lesson, "Consecration" and it gripped me then and still does now. Ohh how I wish Christians would hold such an understanding and view of holiness..


God's world is great and holy. The holiest land in the world is the land of Israel. In the land of Israel the holiest city of Jerusalem. In Jerusalem the holiest place was the Temple, and in the Temple the holiest spot was the Holy of Holies...There are seventy peoples in the world. The holiest among these is the people of Israel. The holiest of the people of Israel is the tribe of Levi. In the tribe of Levi the holiest are the priests. Among the priests, the holiest was the High Priest...There are 354 days in the [lunar] year. Among these, the holidays are holy. Higher than these is the holiness of the Sabbath. Among Sabbaths, the holiest is the Day of Atonement, the Sabbath of Sabbaths...There are seventy languages in the world. The holiest is Hebrew. Holier than all else in this language is the holy Torah, and in the Torah the holiest part is the Ten Commandments. In the Ten Commandments the holiest of all words is the name of God...And once during the year, at a certain hour, these four supreme sanctities of the world were joined with one another. That was on the Day of Atonement, when the High Priest would enter the Holy of Holies and there utter the name of God. And because this hour was beyond measure holy and awesome, it was the time of utmost peril not only for the High Priest but for the whole of Israel. For if in this hour there had, God forbid, entered the mind of the High Priest a false or sinful thought, the entire world would have been destroyed.


Oh, Lord, give us the correct view of You. May we tremble in fear of Your complete and otherly Holiness... and yet still long to be intimately close to you.

Ohh, may we not take lightly verses like 1 Corinthians 6:19 - "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own"

Saturday morning ponderings

I was reading and meditating on this verse this morning, and these are just some of the thoughts that ended up flowing out of that eventually.

Romans 16:17 - Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.

It's verses like this that make me shake my head, for they put too many Christians to shame. I'm not entirely sure what "avoiding them" would look like yet, but Christians don't try to in any sense, it seems. We just take anything remotely under the label of Christian and think it's wonderful. We don't test it against the Scripture, and only then declare it's value.

This is what is sad: that cults and sects like the Jehovah's Witnesses have more diligence about this (and many other commands/rules/etc.) than we who have the real truth do. Some Christians keep away from such verses just to not look like them (not just Jehovah's Witnesses). But in doing so, we lose our God. For we must take all of Him or none at all. If we think we have Him and follow Him because we have pieces of Him (usually only the comfortable pieces)we fool ourselves.

It also is heartbreaking because as much as this world pokes at Christianity, they want to see it truly lived out. What Christianity are we displaying? When sects, cults, etc. show more devotion in following what they believe, it takes from our credibility. We don't, and seemingly can't, live what we teach. Those in sects and cults are not going to believe we have the truth, and those who don't believe at all have nothing to draw them in. This world is looking for and aching to see that the Bible is true and God Is. May we prove to this world the Bible is not just another book, but the Word of God!

Oh may we, His children, be rightfully diligent. May we count all things as loss compared to knowing Him. May we leave the past right where it is and pursue Him and the calling He has for our lives. (Phil 3 ;)) For out of that flows holiness and not just legalism. And true holiness is what this world is longing to see. And true holiness is what will make the difference for His glory.

In Our Weakness, He...

This weekend, God gave me lessons on grace. And how grateful am I for that! Friday, I woke up not feeling well at all. It just kept getting worse, to the point where a friend was going to walk me back to my dorm room. A staff member caught up with us, told me that she didn't want me in the dorms alone in case of an emergency, prayed for me, and let me sit in the back of the chapel. Suddenly, I was hearing a message on Right-handedness. And it begun with talking about the rights we feel we have. That was the first time God pricked my heart. I thought that because I didn't feel well, I had "the right" to check out. That everyone would understand if I just laid down across the chairs - that's all my body would let me do really. But God whispered, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness".

It wasn't just encouragement or positive thinking as I had approached this verse in the past. It was God explaining to me what He was about to do. His grace is His Spirit working in and through me. He reminded me of this and I took a sigh of relief. I didn't have to do anything but surrender. He wanted me to sit up, pay attention, and take notes. And since I was too weak to do it, He lovingly did it for me. I went on the rest of the day, feeling ill, but letting His right-hand have control and uphold me. I never felt better, though I was feeling awful. Ha!

Saturday, though, was worse. I felt even more ill than on Friday. And I couldn't stop the tears from coming because it seemed I couldn't just surrender to His grace that day. All I could think about was how badly it hurt, how much I was shaking, and how my eyes couldn't focus on much of anything. The same staff member who cared for me on Friday came to me again and prayed with me. she encouraged me to turn outward. That there were other students who were ill as well.

Suddenly I realized the enemy had so much power over me when it comes to sickness. He probably gets so excited because he knows he can convince me to just look out for me. Thankfully, I realized this and refused this time. While I did lay down and rest, I surrendered to His grace rather than self-centeredness. I began to pray for my classmates who were sick. Within an hour (I think - I know it wasn't much more than that) I was feeling much better. Not shaky, I could see and my head wasn't throbbing nearly as much.

I went outside with my friend who graciously checked on me periodically. I was about to learn an incredibly valuable lesson - one which now seems like "Duh, Mary". She hadn't been feeling well that morning either, but God asked her to be focused outward on me instead. And there I was, praying for her. I also found out that she was feeling better as well!

Oh my, how His grace works! When everyone is turned outward, everyone is taken care of! Why we ever buy the enemy's lies that we need to take care of ourselves is baffling to me now!

True Grace

On June 22, we had a glorious day! The morning started off with wonderful worship, including a powerful reading of His names. And then, we continued celebrating by witnessing 23 (if I counted correctly) classmates declaring to the heavenlies that they were dead to sin and self and alive in Christ just before they were baptized. It just kept getting better from there as we took communion together. The message we then heard that afternoon fit so perfectly as well.

The common question I’ve heard around here, after hearing the Reckoning with Truth message I talked about in the last blog entry, has been "why has no one ever told me this?" There's frustration at realizing the Gospel has been told in an incomplete way in most churches in America. That was how I felt when I heard the message on grace.

I've always heard grace explained as "unmerited favor", which is no doubt part of it. But it's incomplete. Grace is "the enabling power of God, given to the saints of God, to carry out the errands of God".

Jude 1:4 says how some have turned "the grace of our God into lasciviousness" - they've let it become an opportunity for the flesh to still reign. How sad, when it's supposed to be the opposite.

Christians are to die to self (flesh), to not fear death, to love His way, to be dead to sin and be slaves to righteousness instead, and to be holy and perfect. Impossible? For those who are not in Christ I suppose. But that was what was purchased on the cross - not just forgiveness.

We are in Christ - covered by his blood and clothed in His righteousness. And now, He wants to make our bodies the home of His Spirit, so that His will will be done. That's grace.

Colossians 1:23-29 displays that grace is Christ is in you. That grace is how we are presented perfect. Not stained and defeated, perfect. Or, as Oswald Chambers put it, "We are to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect, not be struggle and effort, but by the impartation of that which is perfect."

Ephesians 3 makes it clear that His grace is given to us in order that His calling on our lives may be done. It also leaves us knowing, without question, that it is HIM who does the work through us. Grace is so much more than favor.

Grace is Galatians 2:20-21 - "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.

Reckon It

I use the phrase "I reckon" quite a bit. "I reckon we should go", "I reckon that's what he meant", "I reckon I've had enough coffee for today." I've always used it instead of saying "I think". Now whenever I say it as "I think", I pause. And laugh. Because it isn't always the most appropriate.

"Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin." Romans 6:11a

I don't reckon it's enough just to think about this :P In fact, I know it's not. the fact that we are dead to sin is not something we just should think on. "Reckon" is an accounting term and we need to approach it as such. Too many Christians don't. They rejoice in being saved and having "a relationship" with Christ. But that's where it stops. For too long Christians have looked at the calls to be holy 1 Pet 1:16), to be perfect (Matt 5:8), to be slaves to righteousness (Romans 6:19), to be dead to sin (Romans 6:10-12), to be loving in a supernatural way (Luke 6:27-31), and to be dead to self (Matt 1:24) and have tried...and failed.

Why? Because we haven't reckoned. We rejoice that He's forgiven us that we will spend eternity with him and then turn to Romans 7 to explain away the fact that there's still sin in our lives. In the Bible, a lot of the time, when "flesh" is used, it does mean the body. But in Romans 6-12, the term "flesh" is referring to the "Old Man". The person who was born the first time. Read Romans 6-8 knowing that and they quickly become the triumphant chapters they were meant to be.

Read that passage from Romans 7 knowing that, and you realize you were meant for more than surrendering to sin. Romans 7:24-25 reveals the secret - Jesus Christ is your way out of that. Get IN HIM.

You - the Old Man you - was crucified with Him (Rom 6:6, Rom 6:3, Gal 2:20). you - the new you - was resurrected with Him (Rom 6:4-5, Gal 2:20, Romans 6:11, 2 Cor 5:17). You don't have to listen to the Old Man anymore. As my roommate puts it, it's like going to a graveyard and waiting to hear the people buried speak to you. And if they did..you'd run right? Exactly. Present and yield yourselves to Him alone (1 Cor 6:19-20, Rom 12:1). You are seated in heavenly places with Christ (Eph 1:18-22, Eph 2:4-6).

What is under His feet is under yours. What He does, you do. Where He goes, you go. Only what can get to Him can get to you if you are IN Christ. And sin can't touch Him.

Romans 6:11 doesn't say we should be longing to be dead to sin. It doesn't say we should think about it in theory and think it's a lovely idea. We are to take hold of it, daily (1 Cor 15:31b).

Reckon it.

Search It Out

Luke 19:10 - For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.

Job 29:16 - I was a father to the needy, and I searched out the cause of him whom I did not know.

These verses were referenced in a class session after "Persecuted Church Night". They are two verses I can't stop contemplating. God is using them to stir something in my soul. Thankfully.

Most people, myself included, read Luke 19:10 and focus on Jesus saving the lost. But the fact that He seeks us first is catching my attention. I know it's only because of Him I have faith. But our God is not One to just wait for people to come to Him so He may save them. He searches for them, He seeks them out actively.

If we are in Christ, we go where He goes, we do as He does. Job understood this. He did as his God did. Job knew he had a calling. Even if he didn't know the specifics, he looked for them. Our life has to be like that. Jesus told us our calling. We all have a call to the widow, the orphan, the poor, and the lost. What God wants us specifically to do with each will vary. But that doesn't mean we should sit idly and wait til we feel like giving to the homeless, or like loving the widow, or til we feel like sharing the gospel with a lost soul. We are not ruled by feelings, but by His Spirit. We are to seek Him, search out the causes that are on His heart, and then ask the specifics of what are to do.

Men Being Men

I have wonderful guys in my life. And me writing this is not meant to say the guys in my life prior to coming to Ellerslie are not men. It's just taken me by beautiful surprise to see a group of more than 20 guys be men all at once and unashamedly. It's also a joy to see and know their manhood flows from a relationship with the One who defines what true masculinity is.

I began to notice it even before I got on campus. At the airport, waiting for the shuttle, I met a bunch of my classmates, including a few of the guys. When the shuttle came, the guys immediately came to us girls and started to take our luggage to load on the shuttle - leaving their own sitting there in the airport for last. At first, I tried to protest, saying I could get it (not because I was offended he wanted to help me but because I didn't want him to have to get my stuff). I quickly relented though, seeing his reaction to my protest which was a sense of joy to be able to help me out.

It's been a slightly difficult adjustment letting the guys be chivalrous. Especially with society whispering that their service is them saying women are weak in any way. I'm beginning to see we women are weak. But it's when we don't let them be men rather than when we do.

It only continued from there. Suddenly, I'm barely opening doors for myself. I rarely walk on grass because they clear the sidewalk first to give us more room. The cover sprinklers with their feet so we can walk across without getting wet. At the banquet, they escorted us in and even pulled out our chairs for us. They let us girls go first in the food lines before they go, at every meal. They get us water, they clear our dishes, and they do it all from love that flows through them from Jesus Christ.

I was walking with some girls to dinner the other night, and I got there first so i held the door open for them. I didn't realize there was a guy walking behind us, but I suddenly saw him sprinting to the door so he could hold it and I could walk in with the other ladies. The other day, each of us girls got a very sweet and encouraging note in our mailboxes from our brothers.

One of the most powerful and touching experiences was at the banquet. After dinner, Ben got up and spoke about how the enemy was already trying to attack us girls - with colds, sinus problems, headaches, etc. He said it was the guys' pleasure to stand in the gap for us. Their joy is being the first sufferers. Saying to the enemy that's he'll have to get through them to get to us. And they all made a circle around us and prayed for us girls...I don't reckon there were too many dry eyes in the chapel after that.

It has been difficult, and I'm not the only girl who has expressed the longing to do something more for them to show gratitude than just saying, "Thank you". But the most common response you'll hear to the question of how we can serve them is to let them serve us. To let them be the men God is calling them to be. And oh I'm so grateful to experience this. It's circular - letting them be men let's us be the women God is calling us to be. I've seen few more beautiful things.

10 in 2010

I've learned much more than 10 this year, but here are 10 of the big ones!



1) When you don't do what God asks, He doesn't want your reasons. They just sound like excuses. That being said, He doesn't want your excuses either.



2) He doesn't want your loopholes. You won’t be disobedient and get away with it on a technicality.



3) When it comes to your sin, He doesn't want your exceptions. There's no sin He can't care for, deal with and forgive. And believe it or not, your sin is not special - you are NOT the exception to the rule.



4) When He tells you to do something, He doesn't want your arguments. He's a perfect God. You will always lose.



5) He doesn't want your fears. Honestly, what is there to be afraid of?



6) Other than to care for them Himself, He doesn't want your worries. He knows everything about your life better than you do and He is STILL telling you to do something. Plus, worry is just a time waster anyway.



7) When He instructs you, He doesn't want your procrastination. There's a reason He tells you when He does.



8) When it comes to His truths, He doesn't want your feelings. (Not to say He doesn't care about feelings in other contexts) When it's your feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. versus His Word...He'll always win.



9) He doesn't want your halfheartedness. He's not a Santa who you can call on when you want something. He's not a scapegoat to blame the wrongs on. He’s not simply the name of fire insurance for you to call on and then defile in any way. He’s perfection. He’s your God. Follow Him or not.



10) He wants your obedience. Unapologetic, unabashed, unashamed. What Oswald Chambers said is true...""When obedience is in the ascendant, He will tax the remotest star and the last grain of sand to assist you with all His Almighty power."

I love the world?

1 John 2:15-16
15Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world.

I've read these verses so many times, and have figured that for the most part I don't love the world. After all, I don't look at things the way a lot of the world does, and I live my life differently than many. (Talk about pride, eh?) But, if I'm honest with myself, there are things from this world I have not let go of. Whether it's trying to gain approval from people or watching tv shows that are less than edifying.

About a year ago, I asked God what in my life was leading me to compromises. I asked Him to show me what things I needed to get rid of in order to get closer to Him. He led me to several changes that allowed me to be more free to pursue Him. Some of these things were tv shows and movies (not all, but certain types). I did well about avoiding them for quite a while. But then, I let myself get comfortable. I thought that since I was closer to God than I ever have been, that adding some of these shows that I liked back into my life wouldn't be that big of a deal.

So, I started watching different shows again. The one that comes to mind first is Supernatural...I loooove that show. Despite the fact that it terrifies me, they say Revelations instead of Revelation, and depict angels and God rather incorrectly, I find it quite entertaining. Since I've started up at watching this show again, I've heard God ask me to stop watching it. And of course, I've argued with Him about that.

I desperately look for a way to justify it. (Which is a compromise in itself. That's just what Satan wants me to do. Once I justify one small thing, I'll try to justify more and bigger things.) I tell God that I really want to see what happens next. And He asks me if it's worth it. I tell Him it's just entertainment. An enjoyable way to just relax, and He asks me why I relax by watching a show rather than spending time with Him. So, I tell Him that I'll watch the show and talk to Him about it, during it. (Literally - they'll say something about angels and I'll be like, "Lord, that's not exactly correct is it?")...I know, I'm completely reaching at this point.

It's not as though watching television is horrible. I've never been one for legalism and I'm not about to become someone who says that everyone should give up certain shows, movies, music, etc. But I've found that my own personal walk with Him is greatly affected by even these little things. It's not that Supernatural sways me against Him or anything - well unless you count that I choose to watch it when I could be spending time with Him. But it does affect my thinking. Just like what I eat affects my body, even if it's just a little piece of chocolate here and there, that adds up. What I eat mentally works the same way. And of course, once I compromise a little, it becomes all too easy to compromise more. I watch one episode of Supernatural, and it's just all too easy to sit there and watch another, or a different show.

As I'm thinking about all this, I'm wondering if my reluctance to let go is really me loving the world. Am I loving the desire of my eyes more than my God? I can't deny that's what my actions say. And yet, even realizing this, I am still hesitant about giving up certain things. I ask myself, "What will people think?" "What will they think when I tell them I am not going to watch something with them?" "Won't it make me seem like a crazy Christian?" And then I realize these questions are just more me holding on to the world - this time my need for people's approval.

Galations1:10
10Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Time to really ask myself who I am serving...Lord, please help my answer be You.

My Best Friend

I’ve read so many letters and such to/about loved ones over the years, whether it’s for a birthday, anniversary, or another special occasion. Each time I read one, I get teary at the beauty of it. So, today, being the most special anniversary of my heart, I figured I would join in on the sappiness. Not that words could ever do Him justice, but I thought I would celebrate meeting my Best Friend. So, here’s my ode to Him, if you will.


Five years ago today, I sat in my living room and pressed play on the cd. For a while, I was so lost in the sound of the voice coming out of the speakers, I didn’t even hear You come in and introduce Yourself. I didn’t acknowledge that You say down beside me. I ignored Your presence just like I had each day of my life before then. And You just sat, patiently, waiting for me to turn my head and see You sitting there. For several songs, You whispered to me – encouragement and love, invitations of a life-changing friendship. And still I ignored You. Yet, still, You sat next to me, already knowing me better than I do. You sat in patient love, waiting for the perfect moment to soften my heart in the way that only You possibly could. And then, the next song started, and You began to sing along. Your voice was unlike anything I had ever heard. The tone was strong, victorious, and mighty, yet gentle, loving and full of peace. I finally looked at You, still unsure if I was ready for a friendship with You. I knew once I got to know You nothing would be the same – I wouldn’t be the same. But Your voice was so pure, I knew You could be trusted. Questions for You came flooding out of my heart and mouth. You looked at me with love in Your eyes, listening intently to each. Some You answered; most You told me the answer would come if I was willing to let You answer it in the most beautiful way later on. You know me – that got me frustrated – and I started to cry. Once again, You knew exactly what I needed and You hugged me tight. You held me, not wanting to let go, but prepared to if I demanded. But I felt safe in Your arms, and I told you so. I never wanted You to let go, and being the loving friend You are, You never have.

Instead, You and I started on this wonderful journey. I went off to college and You became my home away from home. The darkness came and You were my light. Heartache and You were my Healer. I got lost and you made a path for me back to the road. You opened doors and took my hand while I walked through them. Sometimes, I couldn’t or wouldn’t walk through on my own, so You carried me. When I was unsure about something, You were there to be my Counselor who shut out the world with Your unmatchable wisdom. I fell and You were the hand of grace to pick me up again. And even when I would argue with You, You didn’t argue back. You simply listened and spoke to me with patience, truth and love, until I surrendered. You never threw anything back in my face, and when I finally would admit that You were right, You weren’t boastful. You would chuckle softly and hug me like You did the day we met.

So many times over the past five years, You’ve opened Your mouth to sing for me, and each time I was left astounded. I never get tired of it or used to its miraculous sound. Every time I hear a new (to me anyway) quality in Your melodies. The more I know You, the more I want to know You. The more I know You, the more I realize how much I still don’t know You yet. It leaves me desperate for the next singing lesson You have planned.

Jesus, thank You for being my song for the past five years. Here’s to an eternity more. I love You, too.