Dreams Do Come True

The first time Tony and I talked was because he had mentioned John Wesley, and knowing him to be a Calvinist, I said something about how I was surprised to hear a Calvinist speak in such a good way about Wesley ....that obviously led to more and more conversations and the wonderful relationship we're blessed with. It also led us to frequently joke about how John Wesley brought us together.

It just so happens that our favorite city is Savannah. It also just so happens that there is a John Wesley statue in Savannah. So, back when Tony and I started talking about visiting for a weekend, I demanded we see the statue - it would only be appropriate right? ^_^

So finally, it was the Saturday we got to spend together in Savannah. We ate at local places, got to walk around all the little shops and admire all the things I'd buy my family if I were rich. (There was a really really wonderful necklace I knew my mom would love but it was $150 - sorry mom!) We took in so much of the history of the city (if you haven't been, you should go - so amazing!) Then finally, Tony said, "All right, you want to go see the John Wesley statue?" I think I actually skipped. I admit, I was daydreaming about something that could possibly happen at this statue...

We got there and did the whole tourist thing, taking pictures like the nerds we are. A man with a saxophone came in the square and started playing - Tony admits that was not planned, so I say there's nothing to call it but a God wink! Then it happened, Tony took my hands and started getting gushy (I won't share all he said. don't worry). Which, isn't abnormal for him, but I was still thinking to myself "huh, Could you be doing what I think you're doing?"

Ohh yes, he could be. He got on one knee and pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. And of course, I said yes!! Well, actually, I couldn't speak for a moment, so I nodded, but he got the answer clearly.   There were a few people on the square who started cheering for us and one guy made us re-enact the moment so he could take a picture for us. Very kind. The saxophone player started playing here comes the bride. Great moment! When I finally could manage to say something, I asked Tony, "You really wanna marry me?"...It was just one of those moments felt so surreal - I had to ask to make sure it was actually happening. And maybe a little because he may be just a tad crazy for wanting to marry me - I hope he knows what he's getting himself into!

The day couldn't get any better. It probably seems a nerdy proposal to some people. I personally like to call it perfect. Dreams do come true.

Literally....

Several months ago, I had a dream he proposed in front of the John Wesley statue. Wild huh? Every so often the rest of the evening Tony would say, "I can't believe you dreamed about it!" or something about how God should warn with a "spoiler alert"!




"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream...."

Sunday Searchings - July 15

Pressing On
     - Study chapters 2 and 3 of John
     - Wake at 5:00 to being studies (this goal didn't get met last week. And it's probably more important this week since I won't have as much time in the evenings to study)
     - Finish The Forgotten Trinity (also a carry over from last week - I got sidetracked researching further on something I read in there, which isn't bad, but still the book is unfinished)

Train Them Up
     - Pray for Jack and Flynn each day
     - Pray for VBS group each day
     - VBS!!! So fun
     - Take Jack and Flynn to Creative Discovery

Good, Not Harm
     - Pray for Tony each day
     - 4th study in Proverbs 31 series
     - Weekend in Savannah with Tony!

Keeper At Home
     - Keep up with some cleaning since there won't be a good time to do actual cleaning this week (good thing it got done this past week :P )
     - Make a list of things needed to make "green cleaning" supplies. Get them if I can find time.

Love At All Times
     - Call Richard on Monday for his birthday
     - Pray for family and friends each day
     - Call at least one sibling and catch up/check in

I think some of these in any category are going to be goals that will be goals every week.  I'm finding actually including them is helping me stick to them, rather than just having them in the back of my head as things I always need to do...Because ohhh how often things get stuck in the back of my head and never done. :(

Sunday Searchings - July 8

I saw on a blog a long while ago, this woman who every week would set specific goals in different areas of her life. I always thought it was a brilliant idea. I'm very much the kind of person to stick to things more if I've written down specifics about them. So, I thought I'd start my own version of that.

I'm going to call it Sunday Searchings, and I've come up with a few different areas:
Pressing On  - which will include my goals about Bible study, memorization, practical changes to help my walk, edification, etc.
Train them up - which will include my goals for the boys I nanny and also research in general for future reference should I ever have the blessing of being a mother myself.
Good, not harm - This will include goals concerning my relationship with Tony, and even more than that goals concerning becoming the woman of God I should be.
Keeper at home - Even though I'm not married, I do still have an apartment and a roommate, and I reckon it's important to hone the house keeping sort of skills/gifts even now. This area will be concerning that.
Love at all times - Which will include goals concerning my friendships and my relationships with my family members.

Pressing On
     - Finish (at least) the first chapter of John in my in-depth study of the Gospel
     - Memorize John 1:9-13
     - Actually wake at 5:00 each day...No snooze button, Mary, come on.
     - Finish reading The Forgotten Trinity.

Train Them Up
     - Pray for Jack and Flynn each day
     - Look up at least one new activity and try with the boys
     - Research biblical use of spanking

Good, Not Harm
     - Pray for Tony each day
     - Reflect on first section of Proverbs 31 study and do the next section.
     - Encourage Tony in a new way somehow.

Keeper At Home
     - Try out making some sort of squash side dish
     - Clean apartment
     - Check the vacuum and pray it's not actually broken :P
     - Shop - for groceries and needed cleaning supplies, etc

Love At All Time
     - Pray for each family member each day
     - Call at least one sibling/parent to check in
     - Send mom back her card
     - Think of one unexpected thing I could do for Amber and do it. 

You Wouldn't Cry

I think perhaps today was more difficult, in many ways, than the day of the funeral. It was my first day back to work and the real world. Today was the first day since the day Lissi Dear died that I've had to force myself to realize that time and the world have not stopped. I am not in Ohio anymore. And while I love living here in Georgia, it was helpful to be in Ohio with all my family. This is the first day I've not had any family members around to laugh with and reminisce about Melissa with. The day of the funeral, I was determined to keep my composure until after I did the reading, and I did. As I found out today, it is far more difficult to keep my composure for 9 hours at work. It's also far more difficult to break down without a plethora of people who love me, to hug me when I do. Especially Tony - it's incredibly difficult to cry and not have him there to hug me and whisper to me that it's okay, and to remind me over and over that God has got my dear sister in His loving hands.

The whole morning I kept expecting my phone to go off, with a text saying "Good morning beautiful. Have a good day! Love you!" from Lissi. My phone didn't ring with that text today. It never will again. It's realities like this that seem to be the most difficult so far. Each one I make is a little like hearing the news of her passing all over again.

Today, when my boss got home, I said goodbye to the kiddos and got in my car. That was the moment my composure broke. And my first thought was that there was no one there to hug me....It seems like it's the silliest of times when I forget that the One who is the greatest Comforter. So I poured out my heart to God, and of course that helped...but I was still crying.

Without really thinking about it, I had put in Mandisa's cd Freedom that morning, so it was still on during my drive home. It finally came to the last song, and while it induced some tears, it also calmed them. It fit what my heart was crying perfectly. And it was the perfect reminder of the beautiful reality that Melissa had rested in Him. I remember, shortly after Melissa's surgery, we had a long conversation. We had talked about salvation and we talked through the Gospel. The conversation ended with us praying together. After my flight home last Thursday morning, God had perfectly planned a conversation with my aunt which allowed me to know that she did indeed cling to Him for her salvation. So I needn't cry for her today. Instead, I will keep singing Hallelujah.

There is a man..

There is a man who is honorable. A man who guards his mind and the mind of others. Who will stop a conversation and redirect it when it gets anywhere near a topic in which sons and daughters of God should not be engaging.

There is man who is humorous. A man who isn't afraid to be a tad goofy and who always can induce chuckles. Whose humor spans from geeky jokes about Star Wars to clever jokes about theology.

There is a man who is chivalrous. A man who still opens doors, pulls out chairs, removes his hat inside,  and delights in treating a lady to dinner. A man who does this genuinely and not just because he knows he should.

There is a man who is gentle. A man who can simultaneously cheer up and comfort a lady, with kind words, practical advice, and sincere empathy. A man who can do nothing more than simply hold a lady's hand and somehow offer so much peace.

There is a man who is protector. A man who will draw his verbal sword to defend a lady when someone has hurt her. Who I reckon would draw his actual sword if it came to it, and if he had a sword. ;)
There is a man who is thoughtful. A man who will buy a stuffed lamb for a lady so she can hug it when she's missing him.

There is a man who is humble. A man who will probably feel a bit uncomfortable reading this, and not because it's mushy. A man who knows who he is, but also Whose he is.

There is a man who is godly. A man who will toss aside his own opinions, beliefs, and ways  the minute he learns what God says. A man who is more than willing and more than happy to sit and talk about Scripture for hours on end. A man who is as studious as Jonathan Edwards, that he might have a ready defense for his faith. A man of prayer and of truth. A man who will share the gospel through words and his life.  A man who will point a lady's focus back to where it should be with a question like, "Are you trying to impress Christ or me?" A man who will leave you thinking more about Christ than himself.

There is a man whom I am blessed to know, whom I thank God for daily, and whom I love very much.

Happy Birthday, wonderful man! Te adoro!

On my mind...

On My Mind - how much we acknowledge truths, but let it stop there. We remember and even esteem truths (and those who do let the truth affect their lives). But why do we so often (indeed, more often than not) back away from living truth out in our lives? Especially since part of the truth is that we are meant to live the truths....

.."we think grand thoughts and live horrible lives"..

we read His Word and think that because we've read it and perhaps acknowledged it in our minds, that we've got it. Then when push comes to shove, we want to put blame on God because things aren't as they should be. But really, it's us. Seeking and loving Him with all our hearts, soul, mind, strength does not stop with simple acknowledgement.

And why is it that so often, when we do let our acknowledgement go farther than our heads, we have a limit to it? Like there's some point where we can stop yielding to Him...there's some line where everything becomes too extreme to change anything for God.

Like His goal isn't to make us holy like Him...like the perfection and completion He wants to bring us to according to His Word is actually our happiness and comfort...



Oh Lord, get rid of this limit in me wherever there is one...I passionately hate this limit, line, whatever would be best to describe it. I hate it, loathe it, despise it...in everyone....especially in myself. Please, rip it out of me if You need to. I don't care how much it takes or how much it hurts. Get. Rid. Of. It.

My thoughts on To Save a Life

I recently watched this movie..and actually, I enjoyed it. Having known more than one person who committed suicide, the message it sent resonated with me.

I so appreciated that they didn't just stop with the "it's not your fault" speech most suicide survivors get from some well meaning person. I really appreciated and liked that it addressed that our words and actions can and do have a large impact on others' lives.

I enjoyed how powerful it was as a movie. It was dramatic. It was thought provoking. It was inspiring.

However, as probably many who know me would say, I can be very critical of movies. Especially movies that come with a Christian label. As much I enjoyed this movie and would recommend it, it doesn't escape my critical thoughts either.

This movie shows the main character (Jake) going through radical transformation after the suicide of his friend. At the beginning of the movie he cares mostly about sports, his reputation, and partying. He goes from being a guy who dreams of playing basketball to a guy who is willing to give up that dream for another one. He goes from being a popular guy to not caring if he's liked by everyone. He goes from being a guy who thinks of himself over his friends to one who puts his friends before himself. It's a radical transformation....but my fear is that those who watch it will walk away thinking how great the main character is. My fear is that people walk away from the movie saying, "we should be more like Jake".

This is my main complaint about this movie. It has a Christian label. It involves church and a youth pastor. It has a baptism. It has some prayer. It even shows a transformation of a life...But not once does this movie give credit to the true reason for that transformation. Watching the movie, I got the sense that out of guilt, Jake wanted to change how he interacted with people. He felt the guilt so strongly that it led to him feeling the need to redeem himself. I know because I've even there. I've tried that, and even in a fictional character in a movie, I recognized it.

Not once does Jake get told that he has a Redeemer and he is not Him. Not once does anyone tell him that he is a sinner and can do no good on his own. Not once does someone tell him that Christ died for his sins. Not once is he told that Jesus Christ is the One that forgives us, makes us new, and gives the grace that enables us to change and do His good work.

I've walked through the heartbreak of a loved one killing themselves. And like Jake, it was this experience that eventually led me to transformation. But not because I was disgusted and guilty about the way things were (which I was) and I changed them. But because He drew me to Him, He showed me the truth and power of His Gospel...because He transformed me.


It so saddens me that even a Christian movie eliminates that. It's not just this movie, but so much of the Christian entertainment industry, really. Books, movies, music, talks, etc. It seems that we try so hard to woo people to Christianity through sugar coated, feel good, therapeutic, politically correct entertainment. People don't need that kind of wooing. Truthfully, they don't need our wooing at all. They need the Gospel. They need Him.